Why drag Yourself?!?

For the past 5 or 6 years of my life, I've been in a humdrum of relationships, hetero or homo-type.... ('got probably my sexual orientation, right?). Yeah, I'm bi! I'm not proud, not ashame nor disonored,though. It's life! Don't dare dictate what I want. Don't even think about morale because I'll do what I want..'don't care about what people say. I care most what I want only if no one get's hurt.

I know my life from the sprout.

Going back, my relationships are chapters of my life I'll always be proud of. Ups and downs...cliche! That's life. Touche.

There was one,though, which I really devoted all blood and sweat. Probably, my most loved partner...Err it! It's explicit!!! I love this person; all my time, i have given him my all, my everything beyond my practice. Nay, he has my life.

Never have I also engaged on any lascivious deeds of any sort. I am proud to mention this.

After a long-time bonding... the relationship fell apart....

It was the lowest of my lows.

I did everything to mend the relationship, but Alas!, all ended in despair.


♀♂


This is a short story of love affair...It may seem familiar; some might think it as a boring, mushy saga... Blame it to emotions! This is how I vent out my inner self.

What's the question?

What am I now?

I haven't really moved on. One would see me all face lit up. But deep within is a Janus-faced person who conceals sadness with smile...I, who always don't share anguish to anyone but I, myself. I who burdens myself with angst from the break-up.

Why can't I move on?

I know... I have loved him more than anything...more than myself...close to the love I have reserved for God..

Madness or obssession?

Real or reel?

NO!

This is real. Love is life and life is love. I just wasn't able to reserve love for myself. I bit my lips and swallow my pride for what I am dragging now and what I have hold on to as my very piece of advice.

True as they say that it's easy said than done. Why can't I learn from what I say and had before?

It saddens me that I can't even live up to my psyche.

Until when should I burden this pang of pain?

Support person..support group...? That's a good idea. I won't resort to that, though.

I want to go away.. I want to escape this... I'll be leaving the country.. .

That could be the best resort. But is it? I don't know. Who knows? If I'd be there, I can divert my all to my work just to realize my long-time dream of becoming an affluent individual by own sweat. Things might turn out favorably convenient to both parties or so...

No, i won't drag myself....

I live my heart where I have found and founded it....

I'll stay as who I am...



A single....